Season 9 - Episode 21
"Livin' The Dream"
Written by Niki Schwartz-Wright
Directed by Jeffrey Blitz
Original Air Date: May 2, 2013
Transcribed by Ashley N.
Jim: Iâm taking some time off from workâwell, my other workâbecause we needed it.
Pam: Itâs great.
Jim: Itâs great.
Pam: The phone has been ringing off the hook. The guys in Philly are kind of going nuts.
Jim: But that doesnât matter. This does. Itâs the only thing that matters. Weâve had some really nice days together.
Pam: Nice morning, too.
Jim: Beesly! Oh, my god.
Andy: Hey. Which tie makes me look like a guy who likes sofas? My agentâs putting me up for a furniture commercial.
Jim: Ah, definitely blue.
Andy: Totally, right? So, Big Tuna, whatâs up? Back in the small pond?
Jim: For now, yeah. I was spreading myself way too thinâ
Andy: Thin-sliced tuna. Carpaccio. Go on.
Jim: Uh, well, it took me a while, but I finally realized that I canât give 100% to two things at once you know.
Andy: Tell me about it, you know? Iâve been trying to act and manage this branch. Half the time I donât know if Iâm wearing my stage makeup or my work makeup.
Jim: Huh. Well, you know, you canât have everything so you gotta ask yourself what makes you the happiest. You just go all in for whatâs most important. Thatâs my new thing.
Oscar: [noticing Angela looking very unkempt] Is everything ok?
Angela: No. Everything is not okay. The county took my cats.
Kevin: Wait, all of them?
Angela: Two sacksâ worth. Apparently my apartment complex has rules about how many pets are too many for a studio. And while I was out picking Phillip up from daycare, they came. They came into my house.
Oscar: Thatâsâthatâs awful, Angela. Iâm so sorry.
Angela: Itâs the [bleep] that lives downstairs. Sheâs this uptight, judgmental shrew. You know the type.
Kevin: Iâve never met anyone like that.
Angela: And theyâre gone. And I have no one left. Without my cats, I am utterly and completely alone.
Oscar: Angela, you still have your son.
Angela: I guess.
Dwight: Attention, everyone. May I have your attention? There are four new deadly weapons in this office. [kicking and punching] Basher, Thrasher, Crasher andâ
Dwight: Smasher? No, whereâd you get that? Fireball. This morning after hours of combat with some of the cityâs best teenagers I earned my black belt in Goju Ryu martial arts.
Dwight: I had to find a new dojo after sensei Ira and I parted ways. My new sensei, sensei Billy, thought I had more than enough training to take the test. Turns out, sensei Ira was a bit of a shyster. Sensei Billy says most students donât spend $150,000 over 20 years to get their black belt.
Dwight: I would like to invite you all to my black belt ceremony, right here in the office at lunch, lunch not provided.
Dwight: Ah! [throws punch] Thatâs how itâs done.
Jim: Thatâs pretty good. I feel safe.
David Wallace: Hey, Erin. Is Andy in?
Erin: Oh, is Andy in? Sorry, I thought you said âis Indianâ and was like, âIs Indian what?â Is Indian food good? Is Indian jewelry pretty? Is Indian hair an expensive kind of wig? Yes, to all three, by the way.
Erin: Lately, Iâve been having a lot of trouble keeping track of Andyâs calendar. His student film audition schedule is crazy hectic.
Erin: Yes, thereâs Andy! Andy is in. Iâm a good receptionist, I know heâs in.
Andy: David Walrus, in his native habitat.
David Wallace: Hey, Andy. Can we go in your office and talk?
David Wallace: This isnât going to be an easy conversation. I told Andy that he was on very thin ice when he snuck away from three months to the Caribbean. Then last week he used company money to buy a top-of-the-line photo printer. In his words, âThe kind thatâs good for head shots.â And yesterday, he asked me to pay for cheek implants. Claimed itâs gonna boost office morale. Now, heâs a good guy. But honestly, at some point, the ice gets too thin and you fall through. And that is when you get fired.
David Wallace: Andyâ
Andy: Iâm gonna stop you right there. David, this documentary is going to air in two weeks. I feel like itâs a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to pursue my dream.
David Wallace: Uh-huh, butâ
Andy: Every minute that I spend here is time not spent making audition videos for reality dating, cooking or singing shows. I got a real shot here. And Iâll never be able to forgive myself if I blew it because I was too focused on my stupid paper company job. No offense.
David Wallace: So you think youâve been too focused on your job?
Andy: At my last head shot sitting, I was so distracted wondering what I was missing at work that I came across totally manic. And I was going for zany.
David Wallace: So youâyou want to quit Dunder Mifflin to pursue acting?
Andy: Well, no, actually. I see no reason to limit myself to just acting. I am pursuing fame of any kind. Could be singing, could be dancing. I donâtâit justâŚ I owe it to myself and my future fans.
David Wallace: Uh, well, I guess I canât stand in the way of a manâs dream. And it seems like you have the gift.
Andy: Thank you, David.
David Wallace: Thereâs probably no way I can talk you into staying at this point, can I?
Andy: Nope. I have made up my mind. Iâm really sorry.
David Wallace: Well, good luck.
Andy: Thank you. Not gonna need it.
David Wallace: Okay.
David Wallace: Well that kind of worked out.
Creed: I think just anybody could be a star. My postman, the night janitor here, but Andy? No, definitely not. Charisma black hole.
Jim: Oh, Clark. Iâm actually here today. Surprise! So I was wondering if I could maybe have my desk back.
Clark: Right. Yeah. But, you know, Iâve actually been working pretty hard here on a daily basis. So, I kind of feel like Iâve earned this. I mean, you know?
Jim: You totally have. You have earned this. But maybe I could be with my wife. Kind of the whole reason that Iâm here.
Clark: Right. Well, Iâm here to sell paper.
Clark: All right, Jim, look, I just got made junior salesman. Right? Andâand Wallace is here today. And I donât him to just think of me as a customer service rep that sits in the annex. I mean, you can get that, right? Right? And what do you need more face time with Wallace for? You trying to get a second second job here?
Pam: itâs okay. You can sit in the annex.
Pam: Iâll come visit you.
Jim: Okay. The annex it is. Iâll be sitting at your desk if thatâs okay with you.
Clark: Thatâs fine with me. But be careful, it is very easy to get lost in Peteâs beautiful, dead eyes.
Andy: Everyone, a little breaking news for ya. Just had a little chat with David Wallace. And, um, Iâm taking a leave of absence from Dunder Mifflin, forever.
Oscar: I canât say we didnât see it coming. But itâs a sad day when anybody is fired. Weâre so sorry, Andy.
David Wallace: Uh, uh, uh, uh, Andy was not fired.
Andy: I wasnât fired. What are you talking about? Iâm fired up, yes. Guys, IâmâIâm leaving to pursue my lifelong dream of being famous.
Pam: Oh, Andy.
Andy: Yeah, so, Iâll see you on the red carpet. See, thatâs how it works.
Phyllis: Andy sings beautifully. And heâs really good at dancing. Heâs a good speaker. But thereâs just something there you donât want to look at.
Jim: Hey, how am I doing as your desk mate, by the way? You probably miss Clark.
Pete: Yeah, a little bit.
Jim: Oh, wow. But, umâOh, I get that.
Pete: Oh, no, no, no. No itâs cool.
Jim: I get it.
Pete: Itâs cool, man. Iâm sure you and I will have our own thing.
Jim: Yeah. Definitely. Go Phillies, right. You donât watch baseball. I keep forgetting that.
Darryl: I just think youâre going into this a little fast.
Andy: Iâm 38, Darryl, how much slower should I go?
Darryl: Show business is cold. Letâs say you get a job, which you probably wonât. Theyâre not gonna cut you any slack. Youâre meant for a job with lots and lots of slack.
Andy: All right. I get it.
Andy: The male is a funny species. We donât just tell each other how we feel, thatâs chick stuff. So instead of saying, âHey, Andy, I love you, man. I donât want you to leave.â You say something like, âHey, Andy, youâre making the worst mistake of your life. Youâre not talented.â WellâŚ right back at you, Darryl.
Andy: [hugs Darryl] Iâm gonna miss you too. Mmm!
Stanley: Andyâs from the generation that thinks they should all be famous. What happened to the generation that knew you shut up, did your work, and died quietly from a heart attack?
Kevin: Could Andy make it as an entertainer? I donât know. You know whoâs really funny? This bird, in the park, that canât fly right. Iâd pay to see him. But I donât have to cause the park is free!
Sensei: I will now perform the ceremonial changing of the belts.
Dwight: He will now perform the ceremonial changing of the belts!
Sensei: Itâs not a large room, I think they heard me.
Dwight: Take my belt, master. I now submit to you every part of myself. [thrusts hips at Ira]
Sensei: Thatâs really ok. Iâm mostly focused on the belt here.
Dwight: Just slip it off myâSlip it off my hips.
Sensei: Hold itâTake a step back. Take a step back. [they bow, then Dwight thrusts again] Okay, okay. I canâtâI canât do this if youâre gonna be thrusting like that, okay? I think weâre gonna have to cut this off.
Dwight: He will now perform the ceremonial cutting-off-of-the-belt.
Angela: Dwight has been practicing karate for years. When we were dating, I would help him with his strength training. He would strap me to his chest in a baby Bjorn made for fat children and do lunges across the farm. It felt like I was flying.
Dwight: There it is. [everyone applauds]
Dwight: We did it, we did it. I love you.
Dwight: Thanks. I will now perform my final kata forms. Youâre gonna watch me right?
Sensei: Yes, I will. [Dwight starts doing karate]
Dwight: Sensei, youâre not watching.
Sensei: Yeah, Iâm watching. Just do it.
Sensei: Iâm watching.
Dwight: Watch this part, okay?
David Wallace: Sensei, do you generally do house calls like this?
Sensei: Uh, you can just call me Billy. And no. No, but Dwight insisted. He wanted to receive his black belt in the place he loves most in the world.
David Wallace: He said that? Heâs an odd guy, isnât he?
Sensei: Yes. Irritating, also yes. But I gotta hand it to him, heâs one of the most tenacious and determined men Iâve ever met. [Dwight finishes his routines and everyone applauds]
Esther: Oh! Iâm am so proud of you, Schru-berry blue.
Jim: I really felt like I almost lost her, andâand nothing is worth that.
David Wallace: Well, I gotta tell you, Jim, a lot of guys in my circle? They wouldnât even change their golf schedule to shore up their marriage let alone their professional goals.
Clark: Dude, there is no way that Jim is just back here to hang out with Pam.
Dwight: You did not just say that! You donât know Pam. She is really cool.
Clark: All Iâm saying is, forget about my chair. He wants the managerâs chair. And I thought you wanted that job.
Dwight: Yeah, I did. But I made too many mistakes. Itâs out of my reach now. Besides, I think Jim would be a fine manager. Iâd be happy to see Jim as manager.
David Wallace: So, the reason that I called you in here is because Andy is moving on.
David Wallace: Again! And Iâm looking for a new manager. And with his performance this year, I have been considering Dwight. Am I crazy?
Jim: Not at all. It should be Dwight.
David Wallace: You sure?
Jim: Youâre gonna want to invest in a lot more liability insurance, but, uhâ
David Wallace: Yeah.
Jim: Hey, if there is someone out there who loves paper more than Dwight, I definitely donât want to meet that person.
Nellie: Andy, we just wondered if we could have a word.
Andy: Itâs now or never.
Nellie: Well, we just had a quick question about this decision of yours. You know, to leave a stable job and pursue a career in the entertainment business. In your late 30s. With no savings to fall back on. And no real connections in that business, which can be competitive.
Andy: Yeah, sure. Whatâs your question?
Kevin: Our question isâit seems dumb.
Andy: Well, itâs better than sticking around here and half-assing it, right?
Nellie: Of course. But what if you were to stay here, you know, and âfull-assâ it? Um, really give it a go. Be the greatest manager in the history of this branch and in that way achieve the fame and immortality that you seek. Hmm?
Andy: Nah. I like my plan better.
Kevin: Well, Andy, your plan sucks, okay? Nobody is going to hire you ever. Youâre too character-y to be a lead and youâre not fat enough to be a great character actor.
Oscar: No, I donât think that he can make it as an actor. But, he also canât make it as an employee in an office, so why not go nuts with it?
Jim: Hey, are you still in charge of office supplies?
Pam: Yes. Yeah.
Jim: I seem to have sticky not emergency where I grab it on the wrong end, and this happens.
Pam: Oh, boy. Umâ
Jim: If you could help me out, that would beâ
Pam: I could give you some beginner stickies?
Jim: Anything would help.
Pam: Here you go.
Jim: Oh, also, while youâre at it, if you did have a salt packet, three tacks and some aspirin, that would be great. Oh, wow. You have that.
Jim: Wow, thatâsâ
Pam: Itâs all yours.
Jim: You come so prepared. Aspirin.
Dwight: You wanna get rid of a headache, you sit on something sharp. Any sensei will tell you that.
Jim: Hey, congratulations on that black belt, man. Itâs really great.
Dwight: Thank you. So I saw you talking to Wallace earlier. Is he going to offer you the managerâs job?
Jim: No. He was maybe thinking of you for it.
Dwight: Yeah, right. Iâm afraid that ship has sailed.
Jim: I wouldnât be too sure about that. Just saying.
Andy: Well, hello.
Dwight: Big day for you.
Andy: Big day for you.
Dwight: Thank you.
Andy: Love the belt.
Dwight: Oh, yes.
Andy: You know, I donât know anything about karate but I have broken a few boards in my day. Diving boards, at my family pool in Redding. I was an obese child. I never talk about that here, but Nard-dogâs outta here, so letting it all hang out!
Dwight: This is exciting! Youâre finally gonna get to go out and flap your wings.
Andy: Thank you, I appreciate that. âCause a lot of people are saying I might not make it.
Dwight: Oh, I doubt youâll make it. Very few do whoâve tried to be a star. But, listen, youâve saved up enough money to take a couple of years off to pursue your dream and have some fun, right?
Andy: No, I just applied for more overdraft protection.
Dwight: Andy, I have nothing to gain from getting you to stay, and everything to gain from you leaving. But please, I have known you for years, I have seen you perform. Dear god, donât quit your day job.
Andy: [cockney accent] Nothing is impossible to him who will try. [normal] Alexander the Great, if he were cockney.
Dwight: Youâre bad.
Andy: Iâm gonna make it. Every person that has been on Conan has a crazy story about how they made it. Every person.
Andy: Erin. Honest Erin, cannot tell a lie. We lay together. Thatâs something you canât take back.
Erin: So true. Is there a question, or areâwhat?
Andy: Will you tell me bluntly, do you think I am making a terrible mistake quitting my job to become an actor?
Erin: Bluntly? Yes. Huge mistake. Andy, honestly, I think you might become homeless. Or maybe even starve.
Andy: Thank you. [steps into conference room]
David Wallace: You can stay on as a salesman, Andy.
Andy: Thank you. [leaves]
David Wallace: Dwight, could you come in here for a second, please?
Dwight: Say it again.
David Wallace: Will you be the new manager?
David Wallace: Where?
Dwight: What branch?
David Wallace: Here. Scranton. [Dwight falls to his knees] Come on. Come on, Dwight. Get up. Letâs go. Itâs good news.
Dwight: Iâm sorry. Iâve just waited for this moment my entire life. I mean, I was interim manager once, but then I shot that gun.
David Wallace: What?
Dwight: But this isnât interim manager. No. Itâs Dwight K. SchruteâŚ [pulls a business card out of his wallet] Manager.
David Wallace: Why do you already have this?
Dwight: In case Michael or Andy ever got killed in a traffic accident and there was a trade show on the same day. You will not regret this decision, David.
David Wallace: I know.
Dwight: I will never, ever let you down.
David Wallace: I know, Dwight. I know. [reaches out to shake Dwightâs hand, Dwight hugs him] Okay. Okay. All righty. Youâre gonna do great.
Jim: Wow, hey.
Jim: Whatâs up?
Pam: Um, I have a question.
Pam: Oh, I had a question.
Pam: I did!
Jim: Yeah, totally you did.
Pam: Super important.
Jim: I need you to stay right here while you think about it.
Jim: All right? Iâm gonna wait.
Pam: All right. I did not come back here just to see you.
Jim: Iâm sure you did not. What was your question?
Pam: I donât know, but it might take me a long time to figure it out.
Jim: Well, then, I should figure out things to do while Iâm waiting.
Andy: Hey, everybody, I changed my mind. Not leaving. Iâm gonna stay on in sales.
Nellie: Oh, thank god. Because sales could be your best role yet.
Meredith: Hey, good choice, man. Seriously. Donât want to see you in a porn next year.
Kevin: Ooh, thereâs a great play about a salesman.
Andy: Death of a salesman.
Kevin: I donât think so.
Andy: Sure, âDeath of a Salesmanâ by Arthur Miller, itâs a great play about crushed dreams.
Kevin: No, this one was written by Spongebob Squarepants.
Andy: [sits at Dwightâs desk] Got any hot leads?
Pete: See, so you just push from under, and turn it around, and boom. No the staple crimps outward.
Erin: I had no idea. And here Iâve been stapling the same way for 20 years like a frickinâ sheep.
Jim: Look whoâs back.
Pam: Iâm back. Oh, hey, look, and now itâs like a double date.
Pete: Wow. Cause, uh [gestures to him and Erin and then to Pam and Jim with sound effects]
Erin: Actually, maybe we should go on a double date some time. Thatâd be fun.
Pam: Yeah, we should do that for real sometime.
Erin: Well, how about Thursday?
Pam: Oh, well, Thursdayâs tough, because ofâ
Jim: Weeknights are actually tough just becauseâ
Pam: They are.
Jim: Thatâs true, yeah.
Erin: Just forget it. Forget I said anything.
David Wallace: Attention, everyone, just a quick announcement. Little reconfiguration to the staff. Dwight Schruteâ
Dwight: David. Can I just do one thing while youâre making this announcement and then Iâll never, ever do it again?
David Wallace: I donât think so.
Dwight: Itâs just one thing. Just let meâlet me do thisâ
David Wallace: Dwight, Dwight, Dwight. Come onâwhat I was about to say was Dwightâ[phone buzzes] Oh, Iâm sorry, I gottaâThisâll be a second, sorry.
Dwight: Just wait and send it to voicemail.
David Wallace: Yeah.
Dwight: Come on. Come on.
David Wallace: [on phone] Then weâll get him a new set of drums.
Dwight: [climbs up on desk] Dwight Schrute is manager! [everyone cheers and applauds]
Andy: Brava, brava.
Creed: [from atop his desk] Creed Bratton is the new manager! [nobody responds]
Pam: Whatâs going on?
Kevin: Dwightâs the new manager. He freaking did it.
Pam: [hugs Dwight] Congratulations, Dwight.
Jim: [hugs Dwight] Congratulations, buddy.
Dwight: Thank you, Jim.
Clark: Congrats, Dwight.
Dwight: Get out of Jimâs seat.
Clark: But I fought for this seat.
Dwight: Youâre an annex kid. You might be bullpen, weâll see. Give it a couple of years. Scram.
Pam: Itâs nice to have you back.
Dwight: I wanted to offer you a new position.
Jim: Letâs hear it.
Dwight: Assistant regional manager.
Jim: Nope. Canât accept that job. Itâs not a real job.
Jim: Iâll tell you what I could accept is assistant to the regional manager. That is a real job and one Iâd be proud to take.
Dwight: Shake on it? Done. Way to negotiate, idiot.
Jim: Donât get me wrong, I am definitely here for Pam. But this is an awesome added bonus.
Dwight: So, all the numbers adding up?
Oscar: Hey, I didnât get a chance to say it, butâŚ congratulations, Dwight.
Dwight: Thank you.
Angela: Yes. Congratulations.
Kevin: Yeah, and Dwight, Iâd like to be the first to say congratulations.
Angela: This is a big day for you.
Dwight: Yes, it is. Carry on.
Andy: How did I just abandon my dreams so quickly? Itâs cause I had a fallback. Thatâs the problem. When you have fallbacks, itâs just easy to give up. When Cortez landed in Mexico, only way he got his men to defeat the Aztecs was by burning all of his own boats. So they could never return home. Huge dick move but very effective. I need to be that same kind of dick to myself.
Andy: Everyone! Changed my mind again.
Phyllis: Whatâs it now, dream or no dream?
Andy: Uh, dream. Goinâ with my dream. Gotta go all in, isnât that right, Jim?
Jim: Oh, donât look at me cause I think youâre making a terrible choice.
Andy: All in! Whoo!
Andy: Toby! Hey, I changed my mind again. I am gonna leave Dunder Mifflin to pursue acting after all.
Toby: Okay, then, Andy.
Andy: Yeah, but hereâs the thing. I canât have good old Dunder Mifflin to fall back on or else Iâll never succeed. Gotta burn those boats! So I need you to go into my file and put down that I was fired for theft and/or groping wieners.
Toby: Andy, you know I canât do that. Itâd be lying.
Toby: Yeah, Iâmâ
Andy: Come on, just do it.
Toby: I canât.
Andy: All right, fine, just know that you made me do this. [starts touching Tobyâs thighs]
Toby: [fending Andy off] Oh, come on. Andy, no.
Andy: God, Toby, donâtâstop blocking my hand.
Toby: No, no.
Andy: This is yourâyou brought this on.
Toby: No, no. Andy.
Andy: Okay, all right. Groped you good. Off to Hollywood!
Angela: [answering phone] This is Angela. Oh. Hello, Miss Polodnikovski. Uh, how can I help you? Did my rent check not clear? Because I just transferred another $25 to that account. So if thereâs a problem itâs clearly on your end. Andâoh. Oh. Oh, okay. Good. Then... umâŚ what is this about? No, no. Hey, hey! No, you are out of line Miss Polodnikovski. No, no you are. No you are! Evicted? Fine! I didnât want to live in that cesspool anyway! Listen, I get my security deposit back. Yes, I do. This is not fair! That is not fair! Well, you know what? You have so many hairs on your chin that Animal Control shouldâve taken you away. That is very unladylike! You are disgusting! [hangs up phone]
Kevin: What do you think that was about?
Andy: David. I lost the Scranton White Pages account. Do you have any idea how much paper that is? And Iâd just like to point out, I was mad at Dwight. I did it out of spite.
David Wallace: We put the past behind us, though, Andy.
Andy: What if I told you that I hate you and I hate this company?
David Wallace: Enough, Andy. Enough!
Andy: Just stop forgiving me, David, please? This is my last chance to honor what is best inside myself. What if I took a dump on your new car?
David Wallace: Oh my god.
Andy: Eleanor Roosevelt once said âthe future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.â [clip of him flipping off David Wallace] I think sheâs right. [clip of David Wallace yelling at Andy to get out] I feel calm now. [clip of Andy taking a dump on a car] I feel, like, for the first time in a long time, Iâm doing the right thing.
Angela: What are you doing?
Andy: Uh, heavy stuff like books on the bottom. So it donât squash my knickety-knacks on top.
Angela: Yeah, okay. Thatâs not what I mean. You donât have to leave because you said you would. Donât let pride ruin your whole life. Okay? Itâs not worth it.
Andy: Wow. Angela. What we had was great, and, honestly I think about it a lot tooâ
Andy: But I justâitâs in the past. And I feel like we shouldnâtâŚ
Angela: No, thatâs notâ
Angela: No, noneâNo, stop. Itâs justâ
Angela: Okay. Well, have a good trip. Good luck, Andy.
Andy: Thanks, Angela. You too.
Andy: A-bridge, a-burnt. No turning back now. Everybody, Lorelai and I would like to say thank you and goodbye the only way we know how.
Nellie: Oh, good lord.
Stanley: Canât you just leave?
Jim: You know, Andy, you could just say a really nice goodbye.
Andy: Tuna, Iâm a performer. And perform I shall. [sings âI Will Remember Youââeveryone is slightly impressed]
Dwight: [whispering] You okay?
Angela: [crying] Itâs just a really nice song.
Kevin: [everyone applauding] Awesome!
Phyllis: Who knows? Maybe Andy will make it. Heâs not terrible.
Stanley: Yeah. And people worse than him make it all the time. Like Lil Romeo.
Phyllis: No, heâs good.
Stanley: He was good.
Oscar: Good night, Kevin.
Kevin: Night, Oscar.
Oscar: Tents? Are you thinking of going camping? I thought you found nature vulgar.
Angela: Well, Iâve changed my mind.
Oscar: Wait a minute. Youâre not thinking of living in aâ
Angela: Oh, god, could you just mind your own business?
Oscar: Okay, Iâm just gonna say this. You are not going to live in a tent.
Angela: Oh, god.
Oscar: Come stay with me.
Angela: You donât want me at your place.
Oscar: I do. Yes. Not forever. But until you get back on your feet. Which wonât be long. Itâs the least I could do.
Oscar: Separate bathrooms.
Angela: Thank you.
Oscar: Youâre welcome. Letâs go get Phillip. Then weâll get your stuffâŚ
Oscar: And get you the hell outta that place.
Angela: Are you allowed to have pets?
Oscar: Oh, Angela.
Dwight: Yesterday I was just your average, ordinary paper salesman with a farm and a bunch of pipe dreams about beet fuel. Today, I leave here a regional manager with a black belt. It really is amazing how your life can change in one day.
Darryl: You talk to Wade and Colin?
Jim: No, I just saw I missed their call. Why? Whatâs up?
Darryl: We got an offer on the table.
Jim: What kind of offer?
Darryl: A buyout.
Darryl: Weâre in play, baby.
Jim: Oh, my god!
Darryl: We did it! Hey, and look, the buyers wanna make sure itâs not just a Philly play, so get this: theyâre gonna pay for us to go pitch out west. We talking Spurs, the Jazz, Cowboys. Blake Griffin, baby.
Jim: Wow, that isâŚ wow.
Darryl: Yeah, we did it.
Jim: Yeah, we did. Hey, how longâhow long do we think thatâs gonna take?
Darryl: Wade said we could do the whole country in three months.
Jim: Oh, man. Yeah, I canât do it.
Darryl: Canât do what?
Jim: This, man. I canât do this to Pam.
Darryl: No, no, Jim. This is different. This is everything.
Jim: I know. And I canât do it.
Angela: So is your place all bachelor-slobby and gross?
Oscar: No, itâs neat and tasteful, like most gay menâs homes. The stereotype holds up.
Angela: I wouldnât know. I never lived with a gay guy.
Oscar: Angela, you just wereâ
Angela: [starts sobbing] I love him.
Oscar: I know. I understand more than most, but we both have to move on. Youâyou canâtâ
Angela: No, not the senator. I love Dwight.